ABSTRACT

Work with adoptive parents can be complex due to the multiple experiences of loss often carried by the adopted children and by the adoptive parental couple. This paper explores some of the emotional states and dynamics these experiences of loss give rise to, with a specific focus on the parental couple relationship. The case is made for the efficacy of psychotherapy with the couple, the difficulties of managing losses which can generate feelings of shame, and the projective use of blame within the couple and family as a way of evacuating unbearable emotional states. The concept of ego ideal is reviewed, and the need for adoptive couples to relinquish and mourn what is conceptualised as a shared ego ideal. The creation of a more realistic ego ideal is described as a particular aspect of the process of moving from the couple imagining themselves as birth parents, to their aspirations as an adoptive couple. Clinical material is used to illustrate how shame may manifest itself in an adopted child in psychotherapy, and in work with adoptive couples. The inevitably painful nature of mourning, and work with a couple struggling with this, is described.

摘要

由于被收养的孩子和养父母夫妇经常经历多种失去的经历，与养父母的工作可能很复杂。本文探讨了这些失去的经历所产生的一些情绪状态和动态，特别关注父母的夫妻关系。案例是针对夫妻心理治疗的有效性，管理可能产生羞耻感的损失的困难，以及夫妻和家庭内部的投射性使用责备作为疏散难以忍受的情绪状态的一种方式。回顾了自我理想的概念，收养夫妇需要放弃和哀悼被概念化为共享自我理想的东西。创造一个更现实的自我理想被描述为从将自己想象为亲生父母的夫妇转变为他们作为养父母的愿望的过程的一个特定方面。临床材料用于说明羞耻感如何在心理治疗中被收养的孩子身上表现出来，以及在与收养夫妇的工作中。描述了哀悼不可避免的痛苦本质，以及与为此苦苦挣扎的夫妇一起工作。