In this qualitative study, we explored the experiences of non-birth mothers whose child(ren) were planned and conceived within their same-sex relationship. We conducted semi-structured, face-to-face interviews with 14 participants in Ireland. We transcribed the interviews verbatim and analyzed the data using interpretative phenomenological analysis. Our findings comprised three superordinate themes: A Question of Recognition, An Insecure Connection, and Carving Your Own Way and related subordinate themes. Motherhood experiences were characterized by resilience and vulnerability in parenting their children without legal parental rights and within a heteronormative society that privileged biological motherhood. The dynamic relationship between seeking connection and seeking legitimacy that is at the heart of the participants’ experiences of motherhood is highlighted. Participants encountered challenges to their maternal legitimacy within their families and communities and in their interactions with legal and social institutions. Participants described using various strategies to reinforce their parental identity. Despite the challenges, participants were engaged in constructing satisfying parenting roles. The findings highlight the importance of legitimizing the parental identity of non-birth mothers. Therapists should be sensitive to the additional marginalization of non-birth mothers in same-sex parent families. Validating their vulnerability and their resilience in the face of obstacles may enhance their coping resources.

在这项定性研究中，我们探讨了非生育母亲在同性关系中计划和设想孩子的经历。我们对爱尔兰的14名参与者进行了半结构化的面对面采访。我们逐字记录访谈内容，并使用解释现象学分析方法分析数据。我们的研究结果包含三个上级主题：识别问题，不安全的联系和刻画自己的方式及相关的下属主题。孕产经历的特点是在没有合法父母权利的情况下，以及在享有生物孕产特权的异规范社会中，对子女进行养育的能力和脆弱性。强调了寻求联系与寻求合法性之间的动态关系，这是参与者孕产经历的核心。参加者在其家庭和社区内的孕产合法性以及与法律和社会机构的互动中遇到了挑战。参加者描述了使用各种策略来强化其父母身份。尽管面临挑战，但参与者仍在努力构建令人满意的育儿角色。这些发现突出了使非出生母亲的父母身份合法化的重要性。对于同性父母家庭中未生育母亲的额外边缘化，治疗师应保持敏感。在遇到障碍时验证他们的脆弱性和韧性，可能会增加他们的应对资源。