• Dear Friends
• Mary Ruefle (bio)

I have had friends, and have them now, but never once did I believe that in my lifetime the word friend would have a new, different, other meaning. I knew language evolved and changed over time, I knew there were new words every year to accommodate its growth and that some words changed meaning; but love, death, flower, fire? Friend? Then one day I picked up a magazine and read an interview with the COO (Chief Operating Officer) of Facebook, perhaps she still is, I don't know, but she was asked how many friends she had and she said, "Over three thousand; I don't know all of them, but I have met them in one shape or form." I would rather be antiquated—I would rather die—than make a statement like that. I know my friends, I know the sound of their voices, their speech patterns, their inflections, their hand and body gestures, the wet of their eyes, what makes them laugh, what makes them cry, how their nose was broken and how they became beautiful after that, and mysterious, so mysterious I cannot reconstitute them even as I try, because they are people, they walk on this earth, and they will die here. [End Page 34]

As Frances Burnett wrote, there are only a few times in life when we think we are going to live forever. And I think one of them is when we are with our friends, laughing, eating, looking each other in the eye. I would rather write about friends than relations. Relations—parents, children, siblings, spouses—exist within a grid of social conceptions and expectations that have evolved over centuries, and though we may fail in these relations, though we may let the preconceived down, nowhere in these relations do I find the sheer unexpected variety that friendship offers, for no two friendships are based on the same thing, the bond between two friends has no other explanation other than itself.

I have a friend who has never read a single word I have ever written. I love being with her.

I have a friend who is not a person I could ever be, even if I tried, nor would I want to be, and I love being with her.

I had a friend who peeled an orange in public for the first time when she was seventeen. I do not remember the first time I peeled an orange, but it was probably in front of another. Do any of us remember such an act, such a little act lost in so many other acts performed for the first time as children? My friend's mother was cultivated to the point of exoticism, and at the same time conservative and strict; at least that is how I remember her. She taught her daughter that to peel an orange, or any other fruit, in the presence of another person, was perverse; you might as well undress in front of them. Fruit was peeled in the kitchen by servants and served naked on a plate with a little knife to the side. The logic of this is itself perverse—do not undress in public but appear there naked—but as a result of such logic my friend was apprehensive when I unpacked our lunch one sunny afternoon, spreading a blue napkin on the stone steps of a cathedral; we were two teenagers having an outing in the city, an adventure, and I had thought to bring a picnic. Hence [End Page 35] two unpeeled oranges appeared on the napkin, and I watched my friend's face color as she told me the rules regarding oranges. I insisted that people did it all the time, no one would notice, not a head would turn if she ventured to try. Never before or since have I seen someone peel an orange with such exquisite delicacy. She took off the skin as if it were covered with tiny mother-of-pearl buttons, and her hands trembled every time a piece of skin came off and fell away like a little continent set adrift, revealing the flesh inside, which was sometimes translucent...

• 亲爱的朋友们
• 玛丽·鲁夫（Mary Ruefle）（生物）

我有朋友，现在有朋友，但我从未相信过朋友一词会具有新的，不同的其他含义。我知道语言会随着时间的流逝而变化和变化，我知道每年都会有新词来适应语言的增长，而且有些词会改变意思。但是爱，死，花，火？友人？然后有一天，我拿起一本杂志，并接受了Facebook首席运营官（COO）的采访，也许她仍然是我不知道的人，但有人问她有多少个朋友，她说：“三个以上一千；我不认识他们所有人，但是我已经以一种形式或形式遇见了他们。” 我宁愿过时（我宁愿死）也不愿发表这样的声明。我认识我的朋友，我知道他们的声音，他们的说话方式，他们的曲折，他们的手和身体手势，他们的眼睛湿润，什么使他们发笑，什么使他们哭泣，他们的鼻子如何骨折以及如何他们的声音。在那之后变得美丽而神秘，如此神秘，我什至无法尝试重新构成它们，因为它们是人，它们在地球上行走，他们将死在这里。[结束第34页]

正如弗朗西丝·伯内特（Frances Burnett）所写，人生只有几次，我们认为我们将永远生活。我认为其中之一就是当我们和朋友在一起，大笑，吃饭，互相注视时。我宁愿写朋友而不是关系。关系（父母，子女，兄弟姐妹，配偶）存在于几个世纪以来不断发展的社会观念和期望网格中，尽管我们可能会失败，但我们可能会让先入为主，在这些关系中我找不到任何地方友谊提供了令人意想不到的多样性，因为没有两个友谊是基于同一件事，所以两个朋友之间的纽带除了自身外没有其他解释。

我有一个从未读过一个单词的朋友。我喜欢和她在一起。

我有一个朋友，即使我尝试过，也不想成为我永远不可能成为的人，而且我喜欢和她在一起。

我有一个朋友，她十七岁时第一次在公共场合剥橙子。我不记得我第一次剥橙子，但是它可能在另一个橙子的前面。我们中的任何人还记得这样的行为吗？在儿童时代第一次进行的许多其他行为中，有如此少的行为消失了吗？我朋友的母亲被培养到异国情调的程度，同时又保守又严格。至少那是我记得她的方式。她告诉女儿在别人面前剥橙子或其他水果是不对的。您最好在他们面前脱衣服。仆人在厨房里把水果去皮，用小刀在盘子上裸露在一边。这种逻辑本身是不正当的-不要在公共场合脱衣服，而是赤裸裸地露在外面-但由于这种逻辑，我的朋友在一个阳光明媚的午后打开午餐包装时，在一个大教堂的石阶上铺了一块蓝色的餐巾纸，感到担心。我们两个孩子在城市郊游，一次冒险，我曾想去野餐。因此[结束第35页]餐巾纸上出现了两个未剥皮的橘子，当她告诉我关于橘子的规则时，我看着我朋友的脸色。我坚持人们一直在做，没有人会注意到，如果她敢尝试的话，也不会转过头来。从没见过或自从我见过有人用如此精致的美味剥橙子。她脱下皮肤，好像上面覆盖着微小的珍珠母纽扣，每当一块皮肤掉下来掉下来，她的手就颤抖起来，就像一个小小的大陆漂流了一样，露出里面的肉，有时是半透明的...