ABSTRACT As a teacher educator, I became concerned that my practice did not reflect my constructivist perspective. This realization disrupted my belief about my teaching efficacy. I understood that teacher education is often criticized for not sufficiently preparing teachers. Was I part of the problem? As a result, I initiated this study to examine my practice to identify how I might align my beliefs and practice. Using a self-study approach, I analyzed my teaching practices in a high school science classroom and during a science teacher education course. Brooks and Brooks’ guiding principles of constructivism provided the lens, and qualitative coding mechanics provided the basis for analysis. Finally, using a modified Theory of Planned Behavior, the findings revealed that I struggled to initiate meaningful constructivist-oriented activities in a high school setting. In a subsequent teacher education course, I exhibited a deeper understanding and application of constructivist-oriented pedagogies. The results lead to recommendations for my continual development, for other teacher educators who discover that they are also living as a contradiction, and for graduate schools who prepare teacher educators.

中文翻译：

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破坏我的教学实践：一位矛盾的教师教育者

摘要作为一名教师教育者，我开始担心自己的实践没有反映出我的建构主义观点。这种认识打乱了我对教学效能的信念。我了解到教师教育经常因未充分准备教师而受到批评。我是问题的一部分吗？结果，我开始了这项研究，以检查我的做法，以确定如何使自己的信念和做法保持一致。通过自学方法，我分析了在高中科学教室和科学教师教育课程中的教学实践。布鲁克斯和布鲁克斯的建构主义指导原则提供了视角，而定性编码机制则提供了分析的基础。最后，使用改良的计划行为理论，调查结果表明，我在高中时期努力开展有意义的面向建构主义者的活动。在随后的师范教育课程中，我表现出了对建构主义导向教学法的更深刻理解和应用。结果为我的持续发展，对发现自己也生活在矛盾中的其他教师教育者以及为教师教育者做好准备的研究生院提供了建议。