This article is a critical autoethnographic investigation in which I explore development and social work vis-à-vis my own life episodes. I examine various tensions, for example, (1) becoming and being a colonial development subject; (2) encountering social work and compliance to it; (3) a U-turn, in disagreement with social work; and (4) a doctoral journey, reinvigorating my ‘social worker self’ through conceptualisation of a model of ‘decolonised, developmental social work’. This autoethnography leads me to critical discourses not only to question development and social work but also to uncover the ‘sense of (my) becoming and being’ regarding those two.

这篇文章是一项批判性的自我民族志调查，我在其中探索发展和社会工作与我自己的生活片段。我研究了各种紧张关系，例如，（1）成为和成为殖民发展主体；（二）遇到社会工作并遵照执行；（三）掉头，不同意社会工作的；(4) 博士之旅，通过对“非殖民化、发展性社会工作”模型的概念化，重振我的“社会工作者自我”。这种自我民族志引导我进行批判性话语，不仅质疑发展和社会工作，而且还揭示了关于这两者的“（我的）成为和存在感”。