Historically, sperm donation was shrouded in secrecy to protect the normative family and the perceived vulnerability of infertile men. However, openness about donor conception is increasingly encouraged, in acknowledging that donor-conceived people may benefit from having access to information about their biogenetic origins. Since 2017 in the state of Victoria, Australia, donor-conceived people have been able to access previously anonymous donor records. Drawing on interviews with 17 donor-conceived adults who have come to know their donor through the new laws, this article explores the impact of finding out about the donor on relationships with mothers and fathers, and points to the persistent effects of stigma and shame about donor conception within families. Most of the donor-conceived participants were told about their donor conception in early adulthood. The age range for time of disclosure was mid-teens to early 40s. Most reported that their fathers did not want them to know. In some cases, mothers had disclosed, but sworn them to secrecy. Sensitivity to fathers’ feelings fostered a desire among participants to maintain secrecy about his infertility, especially in relation to wider family and friendship networks. Our findings revealed that secrecy about men’s infertility is heavily reliant on women’s emotional labor to protect ageing infertile fathers’ sense of manhood. Coupled with fathers’ overt resistance to openness, intergenerational secret keeping is perpetuated in families. Laws supporting openness potentially exacerbate the historical stigma associated with male factor infertility in a culture that continues to conflate virility, fertility, and masculinity.

从历史上看，精子捐赠是保密的，以保护规范的家庭和不育男性的脆弱性。然而，越来越鼓励对捐赠者受孕的开放态度，承认捐赠者受孕的人可能会从获得有关其生物遗传起源的信息中受益。自 2017 年以来，在澳大利亚维多利亚州，捐赠者怀孕的人已经能够访问以前匿名的捐赠者记录。本文通过对 17 名通过新法律了解捐赠者的受孕成年人的采访，探讨了了解捐赠者对与父母关系的影响，并指出了对捐赠者的污名化和羞耻感的持续影响家庭内的捐赠者受孕。大多数捐赠者受孕的参与者在成年早期就被告知他们的捐赠者受孕。披露时间的年龄范围是十几岁到四十岁出头。大多数人报告说，他们的父亲不想让他们知道。在某些情况下，母亲会透露，但发誓要保密。对父亲感受的敏感促使参与者希望对自己的不孕不育保密，尤其是在与更广泛的家庭和友谊网络相关的情况下。我们的研究结果表明，对男性不育的保密在很大程度上依赖于女性的情感劳动来保护年迈的不育父亲的男子气概。再加上父亲对公开的公开抵制，代际保守秘密在家庭中得以延续。