Previous research has continuously identified a need for a comprehensive model of working with first mothers in adoption. This gap in knowledge has hindered the development of services, to the detriment of the quality of life and well-being of this group. This study seeks to remedy this deficiency by exploring the lived experiences of Irish mothers who have lost a child through closed adoption. It aims to expand understanding of the impact of such loss, in particular exploring how it affects their journey of reconnection and reunion with their child in adulthood. Semi-structured interviews were undertaken with six women from Ireland who had lost a child in this way and their narratives were analysed using Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis (IPA). Two superordinate themes emerged from the data: ‘Motherhood concealed: the loss of autonomy and connection’ and ‘Motherhood revealed: a pathway towards autonomy and reconnection’. Within each superordinate theme, two subordinate ones were identified: ‘Dehumanised, disempowered and dismissed’, ‘Coping through disconnection’, ‘Breaking the silence’ and ‘Reunion and reconnection’. The first two of these encapsulate the loss of personal autonomy and connectedness resulting from the loss of a child and how participants coped with it. The two others describe the participants’ experiences of growth in personal autonomy and agency through the process of breaking the silence of their concealed motherhood and of reconnection and reunification with their now adult children. The findings indicate that engaging in therapeutic services and/or with adoption peer support enables participants to express their feelings of grief and move from coping strategies dominated by disconnection to ones marked by the autonomous processing of emotion and new coping patterns. The process of reunification with their children plays a significant role in this transition.

先前的研究不断确定需要一个与收养第一代母亲一起工作的综合模型。这种知识差距阻碍了服务的发展，损害了这一群体的生活质量和福祉。本研究旨在通过探索因封闭收养而失去孩子的爱尔兰母亲的生活经历来弥补这一缺陷。它旨在扩大对此类损失影响的理解，特别是探索它如何影响他们在成年后与孩子重新联系和团聚的旅程。对六名以这种方式失去孩子的爱尔兰妇女进行了半结构化访谈，并使用解释性现象学分析 (IPA) 分析了她们的叙述。数据中出现了两个上级主题：“隐藏的母性：” 失去自主性和联系”和“母性揭示：通往自主和重新联系的途径”。在每个上级主题中，确定了两个下级主题：“去人性化、被剥夺权力和被解雇”、“通过断开应对”、“打破沉默”和“重聚和重新联系”。其中前两个概括了因失去孩子而导致的个人自主权和联系的丧失以及参与者如何应对。另外两人描述了参与者通过打破隐蔽的母亲身份的沉默以及与现在成年的孩子重新联系和重新团聚的过程，在个人自主性和能动性方面的成长经历。研究结果表明，参与治疗服务和/或收养同伴的支持使参与者能够表达他们的悲伤感受，并从以断开连接为主的应对策略转变为以情绪的自主处理和新的应对模式为特征的应对策略。与孩子团聚的过程在这一转变中发挥了重要作用。