Abstract

I problematize my first semester in a PhD program using autoethnographic methodology drawing from my perspective as a Black feminist scholar as well as give suggestions for gaslighting as a theoretical framework for future work on academic socialization. I use Black Feminist Thought to contextualize my analytic memos and journal entries as data to make meaning of my doctoral socialization. In addition, I explain factors of my early experience in a PhD program within the theoretical lens of gaslighting to understand how socialization from the program’s directors aligned with the desires of the academy. For this paper, gaslighting as a theory is specific to a form of bullying that I experienced in an academic setting fraught with various organizational safeguards that place accountability on Black women to remedy an unconstructive setting. Specifically, I write to other Black women because understanding my experiences situated within critical theorizations of gaslighting have eased by burden; however, institutional actors within the academy must also read and listen and be genuinely open to radical change.

摘要

我从我作为黑人女权主义学者的角度出发，使用自我民族志方法论对我在博士课程的第一学期进行了问题化，并提出了将煤气灯作为未来学术社会化工作的理论框架的建议。我使用黑人女权主义思想来将我的分析备忘录和日记条目作为数据进行背景化，从而使我的博士社会化变得有意义。此外，我会在 Gaslighting 的理论视角内解释我在博士项目中的早期经历的因素，以了解项目负责人的社会化如何与学院的愿望保持一致。在本文中，煤气灯作为一种理论专门针对我在充满各种组织保障措施的学术环境中所经历的一种欺凌形式，这些保障措施让黑人女性承担责任以纠正非建设性环境。具体来说，我写信给其他黑人女性，因为理解我在煤气灯的批判理论中的经历已经减轻了负担；然而，学院内的机构参与者也必须阅读和倾听，并真正对根本性变革持开放态度。