Collegiality and professionalism are touted as crucial in academic career success and security, and as required for participation in academic spaces. Conversely, care, essential to well-being and social reproduction, is rarely portrayed as necessary or even appropriate in academic space. This auto-ethnographic article uncovers discursive constructions of professionalism, collegiality, and care. I frame them as practices academics are unevenly required to perform—whether explicitly demanded or as a necessity for well-being—through the lens of my experience of fertilities as a graduate student. Rather than a single biological event, I frame fertilities as experienced as “an anticipatory weight shouldered throughout the life course” (Introduction, Themed Issue). Within academia, fertilities are constructed as threatening to academic success, particularly as they impose the burden of care work that may detract from academic work, impede professionalism, and leave less time for collegiality. This piece contributes to the intersection of three phases of fertilities experienced during graduate school: early pregnancy, miscarriage diagnosis, and the process of becoming un-pregnant. I highlight my experience of fertilities because they are common yet hushed by stigma—a silence co-constitutive with the under-theorizing of fertilities and leading to the absence of care, exacerbated by university policies and norms. Through this engagement, the article aims to change the parameters of the speakable within departments so we can seek and receive the care we need. Without discarding the positive potential of collegiality or professionalism, I advocate for mentorship, slow scholarship, and intersectional acts of care, arguing that ‘care’ should be neither stigmatized nor mandated. Instead, the definition must be collaborative, evolving, and intersectional. As bell hooks writes, “imagine how much easier it would be for us to learn to love [or care] if we began with a shared definition.”

吹捧学院风和专业精神对于学术事业的成功与安全至关重要，对于参与学术领域也必不可少。相反，对幸福和社会再生产必不可少的关怀很少被描述为在学术领域是必要的甚至是适当的。这篇自述民族志的文章揭示了专业，合作和关怀的话语结构。我将这些框架定义为：通过我作为研究生的受精经验，学者们对执行行为的要求不均，无论是明确要求还是对幸福感的要求。我将受精过程定为“整个生命过程中承担的预期重量”，而不是一个生物学事件（简介，主题问题）。在学术界，生育能力被视为对学业成功的威胁，尤其是因为它们加重了护理工作的负担，可能减轻学术工作的负担，阻碍专业水平，并减少合议的时间。这件作品促成了研究生期间经历的三个受孕阶段的交集：早孕，流产诊断和变得怀孕的过程。我着重介绍我的受精经历，因为受精是普遍的，却被耻辱所掩盖。这种沉默与受精的理论不足共同构成，导致缺乏照料，而大学的政策和规范则加剧了这种情况。通过这种参与，本文旨在更改部门内部可讲语言的参数，以便我们寻求并获得所需的护理。在不抛弃合议或专业精神的积极潜力的情况下，我主张提供指导，缓慢的学习，也不要求。相反，定义必须是协作的，不断发展的和交叉的。就像钟形钩写道：“想象一下，如果我们从一个共同的定义开始，学习[或关心]就会变得容易多了。”