This paper draws attention to a neglected aspect of grief: its “sweet” sorrow. This sorrow presents us with a formidable challenge, namely, to explain how what is bitter—the misery of loss—can be found to be sweet. Those drawn into this sorrow suspect that it is somehow too sweet. Are their suspicions well founded? Why is it and it alone sweet to those who delight in it and why is it not just sweet but companion-like and even dear? Guided by the observations of St. Augustine and C. S. Lewis, I propose that this sorrow is a form of self-pity that displaces the significant other from the center of one's concern and affords an enhanced intimacy with oneself. The proposal vindicates the impression that one finds in this sorrow a companion that can take the place of the significant other and also positions us to address one of the most fundamental questions that might be raised in connection with grief, namely, whether the one who has died is a proper object of concern or whether our grief is ultimately for ourselves, for a loss that is ours and ours alone.

中文翻译：

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在悲伤的甜蜜悲伤中

本文提请注意悲伤的一个被忽视的方面：它的“甜蜜”悲伤。这种悲伤向我们提出了一个艰巨的挑战，即解释苦涩的东西——失去的痛苦——如何被发现是甜蜜的。那些陷入这种悲伤的人怀疑它也是甜的。他们的怀疑有根据吗？为什么对喜欢它的人来说它是甜的，为什么它不仅甜，而且像伴侣，甚至是亲爱的？在圣奥古斯丁和 CS 刘易斯的观察指导下，我提出这种悲伤是一种自怜形式，它将重要的他者从一个人的关注中心移开，并增强了与自己的亲密感。该提议证明了这样一种印象，即人们在这种悲伤中发现了一个可以代替重要他人的伴侣，并且也使我们能够解决可能与悲伤有关的最基本问题之一，即是否拥有死亡是一个适当的关注对象，或者我们的悲伤最终是否是为了我们自己，为了我们自己的损失，也是我们自己的损失。