The fruit borne of the debate concerning the economy of the gift carried out between Jacques Derrida and Jean-Luc Marion in the 1990s continues to ripen into the present with publications like Anthony Steinbock’s lucid It’s not about the Gift: From Givenness to Loving (2018). I challenge and qualify the fundamental argument of this book in dialogue with two principal French proponents of givenness, Michel Henry and Jean-Luc Marion, against whom Steinbock promotes his strategy of the gift. While Steinbock wishes to displace our relation to the other from giving to loving, I suggest that the discourse of givenness remains the very movement of loving as such. Steinbock occupies a position reminiscent of, but not reducible to, gift-exchange theory, rooted in reciprocity between lover and beloved, whereas I am inclined to move near to the terrain of the unconditioned gift in which loving need not entail reciprocity. My position is not so much a counterclaim as it is a clarification of the inextricable unity between giving and loving. The final section contends that the I enlarge my horizon when I give myself because I do not grasp the other, nor do I expect or obligate the other’s givenness in return; rather in my growth beyond my own self-interest, I allow the other to be given just as the other likes to be given.

雅克·德里达（Jacques Derrida）和让·卢克·马里昂（Jean-Luc Marion）在1990年代之间就礼品的经济性问题进行辩论的结果，直到安东尼·斯坦博克（Anthony Steinbock）的《清醒的不是礼物：从感恩到爱》的出版物不断成熟到现在。（2018）。我与两个主要的法国支持者米歇尔·亨利（Michel Henry）和让·卢克·马里昂（Jean-Luc Marion）进行对话，以挑战和限定本书的基本论点。尽管斯坦博克希望将我们与他人的关系从给予变为爱，但我建议，关于给予的论述仍然是爱本身的运动。斯坦博克的立场让人想起但不能简化为礼物交换理论，这种理论植根于爱人与被爱者之间的互惠，而我倾向于走近无条件礼物的境地，在这种爱中，爱不需要互惠。我的立场与其说是反诉，不如说是对付出与爱之间不可分割的统一的阐明。最后一部分认为，当我给自己一个人时，我会扩大视野，因为我不掌握对方，也不会期望或要求对方给予别人回报。而是在我超越自身利益的成长过程中，我允许他人像别人一样被给予。