In this paper we develop a view about the disorientation attached to the process of falling out of love and explain its prudential and moral value. We start with a brief background on theories of love and situate our argument within the views concerned with the lovers’ identities. Namely, love changes who we are. In the context of our paper, we explain this common tenet in the philosophy of love as a change in the lovers’ self-concepts through a process of mutual shaping. This, however, is potentially dangerous for people involved in what we call ‘subsuming relationships’, who give up too much autonomy in the process of mutual shaping. We then move on to show how, through the relation between love and the self-concept, we can explain why the process of falling out of love with someone is so disorientating: when one is falling out of love, one loses an important point of reference for self-understanding. While this disorientating process is typically taken to be harmful to the person experiencing it, we will explain how it can also have moral and prudential value. By re-evaluating who we were in the relationship and who we are now, we can escape from oppressive practices in subsuming relationships. We finish by arguing that this gives us reason to be wary of seeking to re-orient ourselves -or others- too quickly after falling out of love.

中文翻译：

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失去你：失恋的价值

在本文中，我们对与失恋过程相关的迷失方向提出了看法，并解释了其审慎和道德价值。我们从爱情理论的简要背景开始，并将我们的论点置于有关恋人身份的观点中。也就是说，爱改变了我们是谁。在我们的论文中，我们将爱哲学中的这一共同原则解释为通过相互塑造的过程，恋人的自我概念发生变化。然而，这对于参与我们所谓的“包容关系”的人来说是潜在的危险，他们在相互塑造的过程中放弃了太多的自主权。然后我们继续展示如何通过爱与自我概念之间的关系来解释为什么与某人失恋的过程如此迷失方向：当一个人失恋时，一个人失去了自我理解的重要参考点。虽然这种迷失方向的过程通常被认为对经历它的人有害，但我们将解释它如何也具有道德和审慎价值。通过重新评估我们在这段关系中的身份和我们现在的身份，我们可以摆脱融入关系的压迫性做法。最后，我们认为这让我们有理由在失恋后过早地重新调整自己或他人的方向。我们可以在包容关系中摆脱压迫性的做法。最后，我们认为这让我们有理由在失恋后过早地重新调整自己或他人的方向。我们可以在包容关系中摆脱压迫性的做法。最后，我们认为这让我们有理由在失恋后过早地重新调整自己或他人的方向。