Don’t expect a straight line. My canvas is time, and I can’t—don’t want to—approach the thing using its own logic, through the pretense of a single discrete, authoritative position. I need to come at it from different angles—a kind of gestalt approach—which means I’ll be flinging ideas at it from around the room. See, I’ve come to realize my preoccupation with time has a social political component. The notion that time should be measured from a single location seems to me patriarchal and oppressive. Actually, the word I’m trying to avoid (because it sounds even fancier than “patriarchal,” and because it reveals how I am merely squatting in the house of ideas built by Antonio Gramsci) is “hegemonic.” I feel fettered by Western time, and want some payback for its having underwritten a culture that has saddled me with so much shame. I want to make a case for following my own circadian rhythms, to be a free spirit, but in a way that does not expose me to charges of irresponsibility and poor self-government. I mean to free myself from the fear of those charges. If, in general, I take pains to be punctual and to situate myself within grand narratives, this is born from a fear of being associated with the stereotypes of laziness and bad credit that continue to dog black folks at all levels of personal achievement. Bad credit results from moral failings, I used to think, and would, if I let myself be so stigmatized, prove my inability to master “primitive” impulses I might not be able to identify but certainly knew to fear. I used to want to belong—to America—in a way that would sacrifice every today for an eagerly anticipated tomorrow. Now I’d just like to imagine an America that will allow me to enjoy life in the moment. During my adolescence, my parents, my brother and I suddenly found ourselves financially insecure. We lived in what was, at the time, a predominantly white middle class community where each of our neighbors’ homes seemed a yodel away from Swiss predictability. It’s no secret I wanted to emulate my friends’ and neighbors’ families. And during those formative, pubertal years I despised my parents for dragging me down with their misfortunes, their low birth. I wish I could say I’m over it. Most Saturday mornings now

中文翻译：

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有色人种时代

不要指望一条直线。我的画布就是时间，我不能——不想——用它自己的逻辑来接近这个事物，假装一个独立的、权威的立场。我需要从不同的角度来看待它——一种格式塔的方法——这意味着我会从房间的周围向它抛出想法。看，我开始意识到我对时间的关注具有社会政治成分。在我看来，时间应该从一个地点测量的观念是重男轻女的，而且是压迫性的。实际上，我试图避免使用的词是“霸权”（因为它听起来比“父权制”更漂亮，而且因为它揭示了我只是蹲在安东尼奥·葛兰西 (Antonio Gramsci) 建立的思想之家中）是“霸权”。我感到受到西方时代的束缚，并希望得到一些回报，因为它支持了一种让我感到如此羞耻的文化。我想证明自己遵循自己的昼夜节律，成为一个自由的人，但不会让我受到不负责任和缺乏自治的指控。我的意思是让自己摆脱对这些指控的恐惧。一般来说，如果我努力保持准时并将自己置于宏大的叙事中，那是因为害怕与懒惰和不良信用的刻板印象联系在一起，这些刻板印象继续困扰着各个层面的黑人。我曾经认为，不良信用是道德失败的结果，如果我让自己受到如此侮辱，就会证明我无法掌握我可能无法识别但肯定知道害怕的“原始”冲动。我曾经想属于——属于美国——以一种为热切期待的明天牺牲每一天的方式。现在我只想想象一个能让我享受当下生活的美国。在我的青春期，我的父母、我的兄弟和我突然发现自己在经济上没有安全感。当时，我们住在一个以白人为主的中产阶级社区，在那里，我们每个邻居的家都与瑞士的可预测性相去甚远。我想效仿我朋友和邻居的家人，这已经不是什么秘密了。在那些成长的、青春期的岁月里，我鄙视我的父母，因为他们的不幸和出身低下而拖累我。我希望我能说我已经结束了。现在大多数星期六早上 在一个以白人为主的中产阶级社区，我们每个邻居的家似乎都与瑞士的可预测性相去甚远。我想效仿我朋友和邻居的家人，这已经不是什么秘密了。在那些成长的、青春期的岁月里，我鄙视我的父母，因为他们的不幸和出身低下而拖累我。我希望我能说我已经结束了。现在大多数星期六早上 在一个以白人为主的中产阶级社区，我们每个邻居的家似乎都与瑞士的可预测性相去甚远。我想效仿我朋友和邻居的家人，这已经不是什么秘密了。在那些成长的、青春期的岁月里，我鄙视我的父母，因为他们的不幸和出身低下而拖累我。我希望我能说我已经结束了。现在大多数星期六早上