Abstract Stemming from feminist and postcolonial theory, there exists a wealth of literature investigating the politics and ethics of knowledge production in contemporary research. This paper explicates how a methodological and conceptual focus on the uncomfortable emotions experienced by researchers and participants within fieldwork can initiate new conversations on the ethical tensions littering the ethnographic project. I candidly set out the shame, frustration, doubt, guilt, and hope that materialised as I, a white British middle-class male researcher, follow young educated un/underemployed Egyptians as they navigate a precarious labour market and chase globalised aspirations that are difficult to reach. In the paper I argue that by paying attention to the emotional load of the research process, I was able to better identify and explore the postcolonial relations of power enmeshed in my own and my participants' racialised bodies. In particular, I examine the difficulty of being both ‘western’ researcher and ‘western’ friend in Egypt through the lens of what Lauren Berlant (2011) has labelled a cruel attachment to illusive fantasies of the good life. I argue that embracing discomfort can provide an avenue to interrogate the structural power inequalities at play in ethnographic research, while still forging meaningful relationships within them.

中文翻译：

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令人不安的民族志：与埃及脱节的中产阶级建立友谊和“残酷的希望”

摘要 源自女性主义和后殖民理论，当代研究中存在大量研究知识生产的政治和伦理的文献。本文解释了在方法论和概念上关注田野工作中研究人员和参与者所经历的不舒服情绪如何能够引发关于散布在民族志项目中的伦理紧张局势的新对话。我坦率地阐述了羞耻、沮丧、怀疑、内疚和希望，因为我是一名白人英国中产阶级男性研究员，跟随年轻受过教育的未就业/未充分就业的埃及人在不稳定的劳动力市场中航行并追逐艰难的全球化抱负达到。在论文中，我认为通过关注研究过程的情绪负荷，我能够更好地识别和探索纠缠在我自己和我的参与者种族化身体中的后殖民权力关系。特别是，我通过劳伦·伯兰特 (Lauren Berlant) (2011) 所称的对美好生活的虚幻幻想的残酷依恋，审视了在埃及既是“西方”研究员又是“西方”朋友的困难。我认为，拥抱不适可以提供一种途径来质疑在人种学研究中发挥作用的结构性权力不平等，同时仍能在其中建立有意义的关系。我通过劳伦·伯兰特 (Lauren Berlant) (2011) 所称的对美好生活的虚幻幻想的残酷依恋，审视了在埃及既是“西方”研究者又是“西方”朋友的困难。我认为，拥抱不适可以提供一种途径来质疑在人种学研究中发挥作用的结构性权力不平等，同时仍能在其中建立有意义的关系。我通过劳伦·伯兰特 (Lauren Berlant) (2011) 所称的对美好生活的虚幻幻想的残酷依恋，审视了在埃及既是“西方”研究者又是“西方”朋友的困难。我认为，拥抱不适可以提供一种途径来质疑在人种学研究中发挥作用的结构性权力不平等，同时仍能在其中建立有意义的关系。